I get it and I don't get it. I know that life upon this earth is not forever. I know we will all die but I just wasn't expecting that I would ever experience my son dying before me at the age of 32. It just doesn't seem right.
Intellectually, I know I can and will go on. I know that God still wants me to experience joy in my life. But sometimes I get this strange feeling that I don't deserve to be joyful when I've experienced such a terrible loss. It's like I feel that sadness is some sort of penance I'm supposed to pay. But that is not what I really truly believe.
I know my faith and my God will see me through this particular time of sadness. I'll probably always deal with sadness at this particular time of year. Stephen would have been 34 this year. I miss him. I miss him terribly. I will strive to honor his memory and talk of him to friends and family. I won't forget him. I will talk to him as I go about this life and as the spirit moves me to communicate. I will listen and look for signs of his life around me.